Site logo goes here | Mouser's Cheese Cellar | est. 1346.
Welcome to Mouser's Cheese Cellar
The Finest Cheese, for the Finest Mice.
Hello Cheese connoisseurs! Whether you're living underneath the subway in the Big Apple, in a long-forgotten alleyway, or here in Westcheeserton, MA, we've got you covered with the finest cheese delivery service a mouse could ask for. At Mousers, we deliver to every location in the United States, and we have staff stationed in almost every state ready to take your delivery.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is it required to place an order online or through the mail?
A: Of course it's not required! We here at Mouser's Cheese Cellar know just how difficult it is to get ahold of those bright screens in rectangle boxes. They are also extremely difficult to operate with paws, which is why we also accept delivery requests through word of mouth. Just find an employee stationed near your area with a bright yellow vest on and tell them your order, and we'll take care of the rest.
Q: Do you accept orders from rats?
A: Here at Mouser's, we are aware that times are changing. During the black plague, our founder established our motto which we used up until 2016:
"Rats are pests, rats are fiends, keep the Mouser's cheese pristine."
Mr. Mouser, 1346.
Nowadays, we are open to orders from rats and working to uplift the Rat population. Our current CEO has donated over 600 blocks of cheese to the Speak Up For Rats! campaign to curb the harm we've done over the many decades of our mice-only delivery service.
Q: How do we pay for the cheese delivery?
Mouser's knows how the burrow prices have skyrocketed, and it's hard to pay for a single cube of cheese nowadays, so we have plenty of payment options to suit your needs!
- Cash or Credit Card
- If you've been in contact with one of our delivery mice, they will give you your itemized receipt and you can pay them in cash upfront. If you take the online route, you will have to pay with a human's credit card information.
- Precious Metals and Stones
- We know how frequently humans often drop or discard expensive jewelry, and if you're not using it for your burrow, you can always send the most valuable ones to liquidate to our address:
- or to one of our delivery mice in exchange for cheese.
- Nefarious means *NOT RECOMMENDED*
- We cannot disclose the contents here, to get in touch with one of our expert mousers for more details, e-mail: mouserspecialist@gmail.com
584 Abandoned Cheese Factory Way,
Westcheeserton, MA, 02128,
Cheese In Stock
These prices can fluctuate at any time.
NOW HIRING!!!
We want to hire dedicated mousers who will sign our NDA.
Starting at 2 cents per hour, you will be hired onto a committed team that is dedicated to making an impact! Start your future career here!
- No bathroom breaks permitted while on the job.
- Expressing political affiliations to the mice or rat parties on the clock will lead to termination.
- No bright boxes of blue light or non-sanctioned company devices allowed.
- ***If any of these rules are broken you will suffer severe concequences from the HEAD MOUSER.***
